F is for Fatherhood... and Faith

This is not a happy post.

My wife, Jen, is a week away from entering her third trimester. We decided last summer that we would start trying to have a baby and within a month or so she was pregnant.

Today we had our fourth ultrasound scan. The doctors told us there wasn't as much amniotic fluid around the baby as they would like. For someone with little medical knowledge this language is pretty scary. I know amniotic fluid is important, I just don't know why.

We were told that a reduction in amniotic fluid can result in the lungs not forming properly. This means that there is a very small chance, a worst-case scenario, that if this doesn't sort itself out, the baby will not be able to breathe on its own when its born, and will not survive more than about 48 hours, at best.

There isn't anything that can be done. We just have to wait. And hope.

Up to this, everything has been fine. The baby's size is good and its heartbeat is strong. Its been kicking all shades of crap out of Jen for weeks now. Right up to our last scan, everything looked perfect. We've been told that there have been cases where a mother has even had no amniotic fluid around the baby, been told the baby won't survive, and still prove the doctors wrong. Our doctors have been wonderful, making sure we're both okay and assuring us that there is still a very good chance our baby will be fine, that at this stage it's all guesswork and they simply have a responsibility to tell us about all of the possibilities.

When I stated the A to Z Challenge, hell, when I started this blog, I hadn't intended that anything really personal would be posted on it. But this is just too big for me to shove aside for some random "F" post. As it happens, fatherhood and faith are foremost in my mind.

Both Jen and I are trying to keep positive. We've been told that nothing can be done. I don't believe that. I believe in the power of the human spirit. I believe in faith. I am not a religious man, but I am very spiritual. I want to believe that our baby is a fighter, like us. I want to believe that, whether through chance, faith, Reiki, positive thoughts, or prayer, our baby will be fine.

But faith isn't about knowing.

I'll be keeping things updated here and on Facebook and Twitter.